More wedding stuff...

So the wedding is less than 9 months away. I'm trying not to freak out too much. ;) We hit the single digits and I realized my long engagement isn't so long anymore. Steven and I are meeting with a pastor here in town tonight to do some pre-marital counseling. The pastor at the church we're getting married in requires the counseling but wasn't going to make us drive back and forth to do it. As long as it's within the Missouri synod, it's good. Crazy Lutherans.

I thought it was kind of weird to be doing the counseling/getting to know a pastor who wouldn't be performing the ceremony, but apparently Lutheran weddings are very cut-and-dried. Not a lot of chatting about the couple. Which kind of sucks, but oh well. What matters is that we get married, not whether the pastor makes charming anecdotes. As long as he doesn't launch into a 30 minute sermon on the evils of fornication, I will be happy.

We met with a potential caterer a couple of weekends ago and I came away feeling depressed. If we have the minimum number of people come and if we go with the most affordable package, our catering would still come in $200 over budget--and that's BEFORE taxes and the 18% gratuity. Ugh. I don't really know what we're going to do. This is the cheapest option we've found. We pretty much don't have money for the reception. Nothing for table linens or centerpieces. We'll have to really cut back in other areas to have extra money for that stuff. I keep thinking of more things we need to fit into the budget... and the budget does not grow proportionally! ;)

Enough of the depressing.... on to the fun stuff.

1. Hairstyles! My inspiration board
Hairstyle Inspirations made using Polyvore

2. Cake!
We did place a deposit on the cake.
4 tiers
Bottom tier: Spice cake with cream cheese filling
2nd tier: White cake with buttercream
3rd tier: Chocolate cake with dark chocolate filling
Top tier: Marble cake
All frosted with buttercream.
Will look like the pictures in the top row, but the tiers are "petal" shaped, not round.

4. Flowers!

Flowers by shgarlow on Polyvore.com
White flowers, NO green flowers, featuring white amaryllis along with roses, hydrangea, etc.

5. Steven helps to DIY our Save-the-Date cards!

6. The Save-the-Dates themselves... we're stamping and heat embossing them. It's taking a while. I've been lazy.

7. My green wedding shoes!

Irrational

So much for NaBloPoMo. I forgot this little thing where I essentially am not home for 2-3 days of the week, so I hit the first weekend and out the window it went. Ah well.

I am greatly annoyed with my neighbor. I don't know which one. They probably are not home. If they WERE home, they would hear the incessant chirping of their low-battery smoke alarm, and would do something about it. Remove the battery or replace it, for example. You know. Like normal people. I am subjected to this incessant chirping and it is making me angry. How can you sleep when you hear "chirp!" "chirp!" every 30 seconds?

I am recognizing here, publicly, that I have a fear. A big, secret fear. (Is it publicly if you're announcing it on a blog that nobody reads?) My fear is: pregnancy. I doubt I have full out tocophobia, but I still fear the possibility of getting pregnant. When asked about future children, my mind doesn't go to "how many" but instead to "if." The TV show "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" is like a huge nightmare. It scares the bejeebus out of me. I think (hope?) that once I am married then at some point the maternal instinct will kick in, my biological clock will begin ticking, and I will one day be ready and willing to become a baby maker. At this stage of life, though, a baby is not in the equation. Sure, I've got a ring on my finger, but the vows have not been said. 13 months until the vows are said. After that we can start talking babies.

Maybe I am more scared right now because of being engaged. Like, here I am planning for a huge life event. The idea that it could be interrupted by another huge life event is scary. I'd rather do things in a certain order, one at a time, sequentially. Not overlapping or juxtaposed.

Steven is SO excited about getting married. I can see it in the way he looks at me. Sometimes we'll be somewhere, like out at dinner, and he'll reach across the table and grab my hand and say, "Will you marry me?" like he just can't wrap his head around the fact that I already said yes. Or he wants to re-live the moment. Like, instead of "pinch me", it's "will you marry me?" A little reminder that it's really real.

I believe he will be that excited one day when we are going to have children. He will look at me with those bright shining eyes as he contemplates the fact that I am carrying his child--OUR child--and that we are going to be parents. I can imagine it. I can smile at it. And I can also pray, fervently, that it is far in the future. I am on The Pill. We are careful. But the old adage of "nothing is 100% guaranteed but abstinance..." still taunts the secret, scaredy-cat parts of my brain.

I bought a wedding dress. I keep thinking about things I need to shape up (upper body definitely!) before I wear it. It sucks when you love something in person but in photos you have doubts. It's so much easier to ignore your flaws in person than when they're immortalized.

So, here's the list. Wedding stuff!

1. Me in my dress.

2. The official dress page. I didn't get/am not getting that jacket.

3. Cute cake toppers, like this one from Etsy.

I'm writing a little earlier tonight so maybe I'll be coherent! Writing when you can barely keep your eyes open isn't the greatest plan ever.

I have to say that I have an awesome sister. She is completely thrilled about my wedding and is doing all sorts of research to help me plan. I think it must be easier when you aren't the bride--although she pretty much single-handedly planned her own wedding, so part of this must just be her nature. :) She knows the answers to most of my questions--or is willing to find out. She's another one of those people who isn't afraid to write an email, pick up the phone, and contact whoever she needs to get information. I get next Wednesday (Veteran's Day) off from work and am going back to my hometown where the wedding will be. My sister is setting up appointments all day long to help narrow down reception sites, churches, etc. Plus we'll get to have lunch with my mom.

My sister has already sent me dozens of emails with tips and suggestions and links for my wedding. She's actually putting together a spreadsheet with information about different reception sites, so I can compare at a glance. Have I mentioned that my sister is a-may-zing? Heck yes. I've already told her "thank you" and how much I appreciate her help about 299834 times... I'm betting there'll be a few million more before this is through!

If I keep leaving this blog thing until the end of the night, I'm going to start falling asleep before I get around to it!

I continue to waffle between feeling like the wedding is 14 months away--no rush! and feeling like I need to nail things down NOW NOW NOW. Ugh. The stress, I do not like it!

Someone brought in the most adorable little 6 week old beagle puppy at work today. It had on a little winter coat with a hood---afreakingdorable. Seriously, who makes that stuff?

I really am nodding off, so I'll end with some gratuitous cute Frenchie action, courtesy of the French Bulldog Rescue Network website and blog.

Internet, why do you fail me?

I love the internet. I am the kind of person who, when faced with a question, will Google first. I am 10x more likely to search a company's website for information than I am to pick up the phone and call.

Sometimes, though, the internet fails me.

I don't understand why companies/businesses/vendors go to all the trouble of making a website, displaying their wares, showing off their services... but won't give a hint as to what they charge. Honestly, even if it's a ballpark figure--give me something to go on. If I have a budget of $1000 and you, bare minimum, charge $3000, save yourself and me some time and put that info out there for people to find. I appreciate that when a customer calls for information you have the chance to sell them on the merits of your service and why it's worth $3000 or what have you. Still, though---a budget is a budget, and if you're not in my budget, I don't want to waste the time. And honestly? If you insist that I "call for pricing", chances are... I won't. Now you don't even get the chance to try.

Also, in this age of streaming video, why do certain major broadcasting companies choose not to put full episodes on their websites? Really, CBS? My favorite shows are on CBS, but I don't want to be a slave to my television 3 nights a week. It'd be nice to be able to catch up on Criminal Minds or NCIS at my convenience. But considering that both of those shows are CBS shows---please, can there be some sort of crossover episode? Or better yet, just put Garcia and Abby in a room together and see what sort of magic happens. Oooh! Or Garcia and McGee should totally hook up. That would be awesome. Even just one little episode of sweet nerdy flirtation. *sigh* A girl can always dream... right?

The time change sucks, as usual... It was pitch black when I got off of work tonight. At 6pm! SIX! Really??!!?? Ugh.

Top televison loves, without pictures because I'm too tired:

1. NCIS. It had to grow on me, but I love Tony's puns, Ziva's precise grammar and culture confusion, McGee's goofiness, Ducky's endearing nature, Abby's goth/nerd glamour, and of course that subtle Gibbs smile that he only reveals when no one is watching.

2. Glee! A new favorite, but the songs get stuck in my head. Someone had a great video clip of the cast singing the national anthem at the World Series on Facebook today. It was delicious.

3. Criminal Minds. I'm not so avid--I rarely sit down to watch this one on TV (hence my current frustration), but I love the relationship between Garcia and Morgan. Morgan is just straight up eye candy. Spencer Reid is so adorable, too. I like that there isn't really a focus on forensics for this one.

4. Grey's Anatomy. I haven't been glued to my TV this season, or the tail end of last, but I always surf the internet and try to keep up on what's happening at Seattle Grace. A bit of a guilty pleasure.

NaBloPoMo

Yeah, it's National Blog Posting Month (there's a website but I don't feel like linking at the moment.) Maybe I can kick-start this new endeavor of mine.

Speaking of new endeavors, the engagement happened! Steven didn't keep it simple, but it was sweet and, though I got a little stressed out at the time, I was able to laugh about it soon thereafter. I'm thrilled to be starting a new stage of life with my love.

My sister and I went wedding dress shopping yesterday. It's probably premature--we set the wedding date for 1/1/11, so there are 14 months until the big day. It was nice to do some of the "fun" stuff though. All other wedding planning/thought has been aimed at nailing down locations and scoping photographers. I was getting kind of stressed out by it all last week.

Trying on dresses was fun. Not as much fun was looking at the photos later. My goal for the next 14 months is to lose some weight. My self-image was not helped by Halloween... Steven helped me throw together an outfit. I bought a corset when we went to the Renaissance Festival a couple of weeks ago, but didn't have anything to go with it. We pieced together some things from my closet. I wound up being a gypsy to Steven's pirate. The corset is pretty, but I feel like I get squeezed out the top and bottom of it. We went to a house party hosted by one of Steven's friends, and I'm pretty sure I was one of the only girls there not in a mini skirt or sporting some sort of revealing lingerie. Oh well... Steven was happy with how I looked.

He shaved off his pirate beard. It's strange how used to it I became in 2 months. He looks so much younger without it--kind of baby faced. I think he kind of regrets taking it off, too. He went back to the goatee he had before, but was talking already about maybe growing back the larger beard, but keeping it more neatly trimmed (rather than the unruly pirate length.) I hope he's not just doing it for my sake. I don't deal with changes well. I love him, and I love him no matter what kind of facial hair he has, but it was strange to look at a face so suddenly changed.

Things I'm liking today.... just a couple, because I have a headache.

1. Craftgawker has a brother, it is foodgawker. Not a good place to surf when you're hungry!

2. Super lacy, detailed wedding gowns like this one---Allure Couture #8488.

Anticipation

I am f.r.e.a.k.i.n.g.o.u.t. In a good way. But still. I keep thinking that this is my last night as a single woman, in a lot of ways---because tomorrow I will be engaged.

Shhh, that's a secret, by the way.

I know it's happening. I know because Steven and I officially established that yes, we are going to get married. We established it on Sunday. We've talked about it for a long time (and my sister and I have secretly emailed wedding plan ideas back and forth for a couple of months now!) but whatever it was that was making him hesitate... is gone.

And then, because he is horrible at keeping secrets (maybe because we tell each other pretty much everything? or at least share all the details of our day) he told me on Monday that he was, at that moment, at the mall buying a ring. Joy, hyperventilation, butterflies freaking out in my stomach... yup. The early part of this week was torture--wondering when it would happen, dying to see him but also wanting him to have time to figure out how to officially propose, feeling fairly certain that if he saw me he wouldn't be able to wait... But we finally established that it wouldn't be before this weekend.

We had a date last night. Our last official "just a boyfriend/girlfriend" date. ;) It was nice to spend an evening together with no pressure. I told him he has been a wonderful boyfriend. It's true... I've looked forward to a future with him, but I have loved where we have been, as well.

He kept saying he didn't know what to do. That all the ideas in his head sounded too corny. I finally took pity on him and googled websites with proposal ideas and sent them to him. I didn't read them first--just found ones that seemed to have a good number of ideas that the average guy could pull off (not over-the-top ideas like hot air balloons and jumbo-trons.) I also told him the K.I.S.S. rule. He had never heard of it before! Keep It Simple, Stupid! Because real life is not like the movies, and extravagant plans requiring to-the-second timing have a high probability of something going wrong.

I know he is planning Something for tomorrow. Dinner is certainly included. I can wear jeans but he wants me to look nice, too. Suggested I wear a shirt he has admired on me in the past. (Does he remember it's a sleeveless shirt and it has been in the 40's all week? Probably not.) I'm worried that whatever his plan is, it's not simple. He has indicated there are some places where timing is required. He also said that if something doesn't go exactly right it won't end in disaster, though. I'm trusting him and trying not to stress about it. ;) This one is out of my hands!

I kind of wish I could get a bonk on the head and lose my memory and go into tomorrow not knowing what's coming. It doesn't really bother me, knowing that he's going to ask. Knowing the exact day and general time is maybe a little more info than I would have liked... but we are one another's best friends, and gosh darn it, it's hard to keep secrets from your best friend!

I've been biting my tongue all week, trying not to tell anyone. My sister knows he was buying the ring. I broke down and finally admitted to a couple of coworkers today that I thought it was coming soon.

Aaaaaaaah!!! I'm such a bundle of nerves. This is... huge. A life altering event. Things will never be the same.

They'll be even better. :)


So, to wrap things up... Things I Love Right Now!

1. All things French Bulldog

2. McDonald's Monopoly

3. Sleep